Imagination

"...A wayfinder's Imagination doesn't dominate reality.  It feels into Oneness, falls in love with "what wants to happen," and gives itself to the vision created by that love..."  -- Martha Beck

The Vast Unknown: The Self

"...a deeper solution:  the reclamation of each person's calm, present, vastly resourceful true nature.  As the poet David Whyte wrote, "What you can plan is too small for you to live.  What you can live wholeheartedly will make enough plans..."   -- Martha Beck


Our true nature, that inner Self, is the vast unknown for each of us.  Growing up, we quickly learned to look to the outside for guidance on how to live our lives.  We pattern our lives through society's models of parental love, romantic love, work, productivity, religion, tradition -- without really being aware of this vast unknown, the Self.  The pull to fit in and to notice what others are doing are so strong.  There are so many temptations in what we hear and see, and so we forget to pause and check in with our internal musings.  There is a true Self that lives "inside," which contains our dreams, desires, aspirations, passion -- that only we can know.  Sometimes we tell others, "You don't even know me."  But we tend to ask for validation from them, and with all our hearts, we believe in the truth that "society" teaches.  But the truth about yourself has nothing to do with this world.  It has all to do with only you and your true nature.  Listen to that inner voice.  Pay attention.  Give life to it.  Dare to live the life according to you, not according to the love and acceptance of others -- not according to society's model of love and success.

Work, Work, Work

"...All of us have been taught to make things happen in the physical world.  We know what it takes:  setting goals, rolling up our sleeves, putting pleasure aside, and working, working, working, working.  Then it helps if we work harder.  Often we need others to help us work, so we must work to find them and work to motivate them with physical rewards (food, money, companionship, approval) and/or physical punishment (pink slips, prison, breakups, criticism).  All of this is hard.  It demands much time and effort from both the body and the calculating mind.  As Genesis reminds us, "In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it was though taken: for dust thou are, and unto dust shalt thou return.

Well, yes, but...We now live in a world where a great deal of value is created with pure information rather than physical matter..."

--by Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

Grasping

"...It's the emotional quality of gripping, clutching, and needing that bespeaks an underlying expectation of loss and deprivation, and causes us to create nightmares in the world of Form.  Desire without grasping is joyful and playful.  Hunger makes food more satisfying.  It's forcing ourselves to deny our hunger that will eventually make us ravenous and insatiable.  Without attachment we can receive the messages from the Energy Internet that tell us our needs will be met.  With that as our expectation, our actions bring wonderful abundance into the world of Form..."

--by Martha Beck, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

Your Higher Purpose

Excerpt from Finding Your Way in a Wild New World by Martha Beck:


"...Usually they end up describing the same ultimate purpose as Alonzo's, something like "I want to live as long as possible, provide for my family, and be comfortable.

...This is a beautiful articulation of the ultimate purpose locked into the evolutionary programming of every living creature:  algae, tapeworms, even politicians.  Countless humans have put every ounce of their puzzle-cracking skill into living long and comfortably.  As a result, today a record number of humans are living long, well-fed, comparatively luxurious lives.  Yet many of us spend our time and money taking more antidepressants to boost the effectiveness of our current antidepressants.  We have what every living being is programmed to want -- enough food and shelter to survive and reproduce -- but it doesn't fulfill all the needs of our true nature..."
 

Playing Works

According to Martha Beck:

"...So despite our pathetically infantile teeth, claws, skeletons, and musculature, we dominate other species the way Peter Pan dominated Captain Hook:  simply by refusing to grow up.  We've proliferated and thrived because we never stop playing, and the way to cope with the increasing complexity of the wild new world is to play more.  Yet most of us adult humans tell ourselves that playing is "leisure time" activity, not to be confused with "productive work" nor taken to excess.  This will have to change as we adopt a new, Earth-healing consciousness.  In fact I think we'd be far better off if we did virtually nothing but play.  When I train coaches, I suggest that they eliminate the word "work" from their vocabulary and substitute "play" instead.  What I'm doing now is wordplay.  I try to play hard, and sometimes I play long hours.  Some people would say I play too much, but what can I say -- it plays for me..."

-- from Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, by Martha Beck

The Ancient Way of Healing

I've been reading this book called Finding Your Way in a Wild New World written by Martha Beck, the ultimate life coach.

She writes:

"...I also knew that the true nature of humans -- indeed true nature broadly defined -- has always been limited by survival pressures, including those the sociologist Max Weber called the "iron cage" of rationalization.  As long as people keep making money by rational means, Weber wrote, society's iron cages will keep imprisoning them, obliterating their desires and differences, turning human workers into mere components of the great financial machine of society...

...The fluidity of our civilization is creating the opportunity.  The means you'll use to realize your "right life" may not be as obvious.  I believe they must come from ancient traditions, created and used by wise healers in many different cultures and places.  These ways of mending were developed to fix any precious, complex, broken thing.  Our culture, while zooming far past previous societies in its ability to manipulate the physical world, has lost or deliberately discarded these ways of repairing what is broken in people and in the world..."


Try out this concept by Martha Beck.  Go to Youtube and look for videos about ancient/aboriginal cultures that still practice their way of life from a long long time ago -- whether they are singing or dancing or performing some kind of drumming ceremony, for instance.  Your brain has memories of the past, even way back to the time of the dinosaurs.  It's in your DNA.  You can ask them for help, for healing.  Go to the American Museum of Natural History and meditate on the dinosaurs and images of former tribes.  You can look for images of ancient China for example, and just be quiet for a few minutes.  Your heart will recognize the images that go back in time, lodged in your brain for thousands of years.  You are in essence accessing the ancient way of healing.  Back then, humans had the capacity to heal without medication, and their wisdom was based on the healing powers of plants, animals and the sun and the stars.  They practiced oneness with the universe and believed in the collective consciousness of humans.  They were very connected with their environment; and the plants, animals and planets were sacred to them.  Their relationship with earth was very respectful, whereas modern society is based on humans competing with each other and doing everything in the name of money without regard for nature and the well-being of others.  The balance between nature and humans has been disrupted in epic proportion.  And humans, like us, feel that destruction within us, because we are not meant to live the way we do today. So it is our goal to go back in time, internally, and ask for help.

Don't worry.  The goal is not to totally give up the present, but merely to balance the imbalance.  In fact, cross-pollenation of the past and the present is what creates magic.  Dig up old photos of your grandmother or great grandmother when she was still young and use it as a book mark while reading Forbes magazine, and notice how it rearranges your brain.  

Happy experimenting!

American Society

Here is the state of American society today, according to Martha Beck:

"...Nancy believes that she will never make enough money to truly relax. Although she performs her job with desperate intensity and makes a very high salary, every time she gets a raise or a bonus, she manages to incur expenses that keep her financial situation at exactly the point that matches her expectation of "not quite enough.

Gerard has a similar issue with time. He's always so busy he has little time for personal pleasure, family outings, or even sleep. Though he complains about this every day, his underlying unarticulated expectation is "I am worthwhile only if I'm constantly doing something." He won't Form a more open schedule until he correct this use of his Imagination.

Polly feels isolated, unable to find a romantic partner or even friends who really "get" her. Though she works very hard at connecting with people, her expectations were set duing a childhood that combined her loneliness as the only child of a hard-working mother with high academic achievement that meant few of her classmates could keep up with her. Her expectations, not her deliberate thoughts, are dominating everything she Forms..."


-- from Martha Beck

The Shallow Part of Life

"...The real reason we feel so starved in the shallows is that we [as humans] aren't made to be satisfied with material possessions or with concepts of ourselves as famous, noble, smart, handsome, righteous, influential, blah, blah, blah.  What we really want is the peace of the Stargazer.  The irony is that this is already present in every single one of us, though it's obscured by the dense matter of our lives at their shallowest.  Clinging to the shallowest sphere of existence, losing touch with our cores, is the primary cause of all our unhappiness.  So why does almost everyone spend enormous energy doing it?

To avoid the ring of fire, that's why..."

--excerpted from Steering by Starlight, by Martha Beck

How to Relax the Mind

When you are stressed out, it means that your mind is overloaded with too many thoughts about needing success and love in order for you to be finally happy.  You have lost touch with your true Self.  You have become disconnected from who you really are and your ego takes over.  But all you need to do is unload, undo, simplify.  There are many ways to relax the mind.

1.  Drop the big projects and keep the small, doable ones -- for a few days at least.  For example, you may have thoughts such as:  I want to buy a house, I want to impress my boss, I want to lose weight...all at the same time.  Prioritize your projects and leave just one or zero project on your mind -- the one that's easy to do or with nothing to do.  This is a good way to clear the mind.  By dropping the big ones, you unburden the mind, and the mind can then function more effectively.  Trust that a clear mind will always give you the answers you are looking for in life.  Don't plan, and learn to trust in the Universe.  Try it and see what happens when you give your trust to it.

2.  Simplify.  Keep only the simple tasks in your mind, for now, such as planning what you'll have for dinner, washing your car or mending your socks.  Small tasks are easier on the mind and can boost confidence when you succeed in them.  You will discover that happiness can be found when you are at peace doing just these simple things.  You train yourself to relax and yet feel successful.  And you will feel more connected to your true Self because there are no big distractions to separate you from each other.

     When you simplify your day, your actions will be in sync with your being -- the real you.  And that's what you want to know, right?  "Who am I?" is what we long for.  When there are no distractions, when the ego does not get in the way, the Self is in control.  Then you establish equilibrium.  When you are in equilibrium, you automatically feel happy and secure and fulfilled.

3.  Don't plan. 

     If you can't stop planning, you can simply simplify the plans.  This will draw you inward, closer to your true Self.  The Self is at your core where you will experience total peace.  For example:  A small plan can mean getting a small plant.  Learn to grow it.  Watering the plant is a symbol of tender loving care, and this connects you to your core.  Stay with this feeling for a while. The more you value this connection inside, the more satisfied you will be with the simpler things in life, and the more you will fall in love with this Self.

    Just be.  When you are connected with your true Self, you don't really need to plan everything, because, in most cases, you are being spontaneous.  When you know who you really are inside and out, reality becomes your friend and whatever comes along is just right and, at times, delightful.  Because you know yourself really well, you doubt yourself less.  So you are not insecure.  Being sure of yourself means you know where you stand, and you are not trying to please others because you just want to be honest to the core.

     The overactive mind causes anxiety, even depression.  The overactive mind cannot see clearly. The best way to function is when you are very relaxed.  You can learn to be this way when you stop planning.

4.  Sit with yourself for a moment and be aware of your inner core.  Do sitting meditation.  Sit in a chair or if you would rather lie down, that's fine too.  What's it like?  Be aware of who you are.  Notice your mind.  Try this for a day or two.  Just sit with yourself and let your inner quiet guide you, instead of your mind.  When the mind controls all of your every next moves, you will never experience the moment.  You are always in the future, which is not real.  And you will not be able to have time to reflect and contemplate the Now through your Self.  You can access that inner quiet when the mind is relaxed. Experience the peace of solitude. This will calm your mind.  This way is the best way to connect with the real you and to fall in love with yourself.  When you fall in love with yourself, you will learn to like solitude.  And with solitude, you become self-sufficient and wouldn't need to dream up big things in the first place, just to be happy.

     When you're just sitting, notice the thoughts that are floating around in your mind.  And then just wait.  Wait for the voice that comes from the heart.  Wait for guidance.  It will come to you.  That's your inner compass, the one that knows you.  When you get connected internally, it will feel like home.  You will feel happy and satisfied.  That's what you are really looking for in life.  It's inside you.  Focus on your self.  Don't worry about the world for now.

5.  Go Back to Basics.  Brush your teeth, make your bed, fry an egg, drink coffee, take the train, etc.  The morning is a good time to go back to basics -- to take care of the small tasks, when the sun has just risen and the day is early, when you are feeling refreshed.  Stay with the feeling and notice how simple life really is.  When we want more, we actually complicate life, and we serve the ego instead of the authentic Self.

     Basics are less complicated and easiwer to think about.  When order is restored, your mind is relaxed, and things fall into place easily.  Because the basics are the building blocks of your foundation.  You can then build on top of it or around it, whatever your heart desires -- without feeling stressed out or confused.

6.  Do a Reality Check.  There is another method of clearing the mind wherein you question the stressful thoughts or fears that cause you to suffer.  Byron Katie has four questions that will help you understand those stressful thoughts.  For example, the stressful thought might be:  Paul doesn't listen to me.  You then ask yourself if this is true.  Is it absolutely true?  Maybe Paul is just not good at saying what's on his mind.  Or maybe Paul's mind is preoccupied by problems, etc.  Then ask:  How do you react when you believe that Paul doesn't listen to you?  Write down as much as you can about your feelings and thoughts.  This way, you see on paper what is in your head.  Then you can see where you might have been confused.  You might be focusing on something unnecessarily.  Anyway, now you have a choice of what decisions or actions to take...now that you have the data.  The fourth and last question is:  Who would you be without the thought that Paul does not listen to me?  Once you can imagine your mind without the stressful thought, you would feel the freedom, peace and happiness that comes with the absence of the stressful thought.  For more information about questioning the mind, go to thework.com or google Byron Katie.

Remember, the Self is the Knower in you.  Everything you need to know about life...the Knower knows.  And it lives inside you at your core, where there are no big projects to think about and there will be nothing but peace and quiet.  All you need to do is learn to be comfortable being with yourself alone, for just a moment or a day or even a week.  Just practice and notice your mind.  Once the mind is observed, it slows down and gets out of the way.  And then your true Self will show itself.

Once you have taken care of the basics and developed a close relationship with your Self, then perhaps your big dreams will come true anyway, because you are now being your genuine Self.

How to Connect with People

We want to mingle and commune with other beings, because we need that connection.  But how good a connector are you?

I think that the best way to connect with others is to connect with yourself first.  Often, we feel insecure in our relationships because we cannot just be ourselves.  We feel we have to pretend, to impress, to agree because we really don't know how to be ourselves or don't know who we really are...the person inside us.  We're so externally-focused that we forget there's a Self living inside us, waiting to be set free.  We want to be liked, so we don't want to rock the boat.  Sometimes we just say what we think they expect us to say. 

That's because we are not connected inside.  A person who disconnected with her/his true self is very insecure about herself or himself.  Why?  Because she doesn't know who he or she really is.  The uncertainty is what makes is insecure.  How can you make a good analysis or opinion if you don't know the data by heart?

You think it's that simple?  No!  Because we want to assimilate, we can't even distinguish our own likes and dislikes from other people's likes and dislikes.  We want what others want because we don't know what we want or are afraid of rejection.  It's almost as if it's better to not be yourself, but accepted by society.  It's hard for us to distinguish our own ideas, the one that organically come from us, willingly, naturally and wholeheartedly -- because we believe in what others tell/teach us.  Are your beliefs yours or your parents', teachers', friends'.  We believe in the media and trends.  We want to be part of the culture.  That's fine if you already are connected with yourself...if you know who you really are, apart from the rest of society.  Then you can start believing in yourself, not the public or the media.

Once you connect with your true self, it's so easy then to connect with others, because you have no doubts about who you are.  A person who knows herself well is standing on level ground.  He/She can connect easily, because she's able to love herself.  That's just the magic of it all.  Find a tranquil place and moment and be aware of that person inside you who knows exactly what her favorite ice-cream is.  That's who you really are.  The more you know about who you are, the more confident you will become.  Because you will realize automatically, once you've done the getting-to-know work, that you are okay after all...at the core.  It just happens like magic.

Is it that simple?  Yes!  All you need to do is get to know the real person inside you.  What do you like, don't like?  What activity are you really passionate about?  It doesn't have to be the norm.  What type of person do you like?  Even if you think it's not cool.  If you didn't think about your audience, who would you really be.  You will feel so much better once you know who you are.  You'll be able to take off the mask.  It's the only way to connect with human beings.  You would know to connect using your authentic voice.  For some reason, when you get to know yourself uncensored, you just start feeling good.  And when you feel good, your relationships are good, intimate, rewarding and meaningful.

Try it!

10 Qualities of a Good Relationship

How do you know that your relationship is the best you can ever have.  Here are some qualities to look for:

• Intimate
• Meaningful
• Rewarding
• Enjoyable
• You are already complete by yourself.
• You can be yourself, because you know you are good at the core.
• You respect the other person, so you learn from him or her.
• It's not one-way.
• You speak your mind and your heart.
• Your not afraid of rejection.

5 Ways To Be Just Yourself

1.  Think this:  You are good at your core.

2.  Find out who you really are, the one who does not need the audience, the one who loves cartoons, the one who like vanilla ice-cream, etc.

3.  Love yourself unconditionally, because there is nothing wrong with you at the core.

4.  Be independent.  The more independent you are, the more meaningful your relationships will be.

5.  Do a reality check.  Are they rejecting your core, or are they rejecting the pretend you?

Relationships and Jobs: Dealing with Heartbreak and Loss

To lose someone, such as a partner for example, or something such as a job for example, can be a very painful experience, mentally and emotionally.  You may even break down completely.  But fear not, I've learned that this is just life's way of waking us up.  This loss or break-up is actually an opportunity -- to understand life and ourselves on a deeper level, consciously.  We will go very deep and so some core work is required.  Because the truth is that we are okay at the core.  There is nothing wrong with us at the core.  Loss and heartbreak are actually important turning points for us, if we can only believe it.  The bottom line is that you are feeling very bad about your Self.  In these moments of hurting, we can begin to take inventory of the thoughts we have about our Self.  What are those thoughts?  How do you see yourself in the moment of loss and heartbreak?  Write it down, and begin questioning.  Ask your Self, the one who is the Knower in you:  Is it true, this thought?  Do I have proof?  Could it be that I am just confused...looking for a reason for the loss?  If you never really felt that good about yourself in the first place, chances are you will start pointing the finger at yourself or others.  Because you don't like yourself in the first place, with or without the person or thing.  That's evidence.

So ask yourself:  Who are you at the core?  How do you feel about your Self, at the core?  Once you become aware of this person in you, the one who likes ice-cream, for example, you will automatically fall in love with your Self.  Your true Self is the one that is independent and integral, not dependent on the outside for fulfillment, validation, and completion.  There is The Work of Byron Katie that uses inquiry to clear the mind.  According to Byron Katie, it is possible to end suffering by questioning every untrue belief that you are believing.  Some beliefs are obvious.  So you can easily question them.  But some are deep in the subconscious.  That requires a lot more detective work.  But once you find clues to your deep seated beliefs, you are on your way to handcuffing the culprits...those beliefs.  You can work on them, question them, and then you can be finally free of their power over you.  Because you will discover, when doing inquiry, that even the smallest thought, like "my shoes are too tight" or "I don't like rain because it's messy" are not absolutely true when you do this reality check.

If you know your Self very well, it will be intact, still independent -- after the loss.  You can move on easily and heal.  Without an independent Self, the Self can shatter or detach when overwhelmed by heartbreak or loss.  This break-up or loss can send you reeling from the pain and isolation over and over, non-stop.  But you can dive into the deepest part of your soul and find that part of you that was lost or never recognized or shattered or detached.  It's time to address this Self.  By questioning your negative beliefs -- such as "I am not good enough," "Life is hard," "I need someone to complete me," etc. -- you can have breathing space, plan your next move, make contact with your inner world...  because it is about your existence in a place deep inside.

If you don't know what's bothering you deep inside, the mind will continue to cause pain and suffering.  And you will carry those same negative thoughts to your next relationship or work, or experience  -- because you didn't do the work.  This does require some amount of work and time.  It doesn't happen overnight, but the outcome will be lasting and permanent.  Life will change dramatically, and you will be pleased beyond belief.

Life will always give us opportunities to go deeper -- to become conscious and awake.  That is how we can truly experience the real beauty of life.  You can awaken to your essence and make all your relationships and work meaningful and rewarding.  This requires all of us to take a good look at how we see ourselves and the world and how we make assumptions about us, our lives, and our experiences.

Byron Katie said:  "It's not what happens that causes us suffering.  It's our thoughts about what happens that causes suffering."

Assimilating or Differentiating?

Others look successful, happier.  You feel bad about yourself.  That's human nature.  We are vulnerable to the people, places and sounds in our environment.  We respond emotionally.  That's just human nature.  The vulnerability is there if we don't have a strong sense of Self.  I don't mean being defiant or militant.  I mean knowing deep inside you that you love You.  I mean being deeply connected to the Knower in you.  I mean relying on your own knowing.  I mean letting your Inner Child loose to play, roam around, and be fascinated, instead of being vulnerable to the visuals and the sounds, touch and smell of society.

When you wish to assimilate in society, understand what you are giving up of your Self, and the extent of it.    Don't renounce your Free Spirit in order to function effectively in the so called culture that is prevailing.  Celebrate originality.  Don't you feel better when you have your back?  But there is something to be said about blending in.  It's good to be on the same page for the sake of communication and understanding.  And some discretion may be required to avoid conflagrations and violence...if it's worth it.  

You don't feel good about yourself if somebody doesn't love you, because the Self is vulnerable when you don't nurture it.  It's like having a relationship.  The Self gets stronger when you get to know it and pay attention to it.  The bond becomes stronger and you are able to flex the Self.  Likewise, if somebody likes you, you are vulnerable too, because you are depending on society's love and respect...instead of relying on your Self-love and Self-respect.  Society is about depending on the external. That's the way it is right now.  That's why we suffer.

Don't you feel better when you have your back?  When you can rely on yourself during good times and tough times?  When you are accosted, show compassion and understanding.  But I don't need to even say that because the Self is compassion and love.  I'll end with that thought...Love.

The Source of Life

The miracle that happens when life begins in the womb is always with you.  That miracle is in you for so long as you live.  The miracle that teaches a child to walk and to talk is always there for you to tap into.  All you need to do is be aware of this miraculous power or energy, and use it to your satisfaction to realize your vision for yourself.  This is where your power lies.  Plug into it.  You just need to do some work -- peeling the layers of negative beliefs -- and it will reveal itself to you.   It's called the Self, the Core, the Source, the Inner Child.

You cannot feel like a victim or feel powerless if you are guided by your Inner Child.  You are connected to it, to the Source of life inside you, by virtue of the fact that you are alive on this planet.  Be connected! then shine your light on yourself, on others, and on the world.  Let there be light!  Let there be life!

The Self Has No Color

Little children, by nature, are fearless creatures.  They are not afraid to swing on the monkey bars or just talk to another boy or girl who just happened to be there. But as they grow up and assimilate in society, they lose that sense of fearlessness.  They start believing in the crowd instead of their true selves.  There are many ways that this child in us can get lost.  Severe trauma, heartbreak, rejection, hardship, abuse, neglect, domination are some of the reasons we lose our sense of security and we start to doubt our sense of judgement.  As a consequence, we start separating ourselves.  We act like strangers in this world, while everybody else seems like they are on the same page.  That's what we perceive.  We start finding it hard to connect internally and outwardly, and then many of us find ourselves trying hard to fit in, looking for that one person who will love us -- as if it were our only salvation.

As adults, we start to look for reasons why we cannot assimilate.  Is it because of the color of my skin?  Is it my accent?  Is it my height?  Is it the way I speak?  Is it the way I dress?  Is it the kind of job I have?  Is it the size of my house?  Is it the kind of car I drive?  Is it my culture?  Is it my education?  Is it how much money I have or don't have?  Is it about what I want to do?

My job as a life coach is to help you find that lost child, which I call the Self.  You can go back internally and work little by little to recover your equilibrium and bearing and give life to this inner Self again...the Self that has no color or shape.  This Self is your source of dignity and pride.  It exists inside you and is your connection to your Source and is Love.  This is the Self that knows what flavor of ice-cream you love the best!

YOU ARE UNIQUE

The Causes of Mental Pain: 

• You can't get what you really want.

• Difficulty making relationships work.

• Breaking up.

• Low self-esteem.

• Feeling trapped in a job.

• The pressure to get ahead.

• Emotional baggage.

These are just some of the issues that cause us pain.

The solution is in finding out how unique you are.  This uniqueness is the key to finding sustainable happiness.  Let us work together to find this lost child...the one with the unique fingerprint. To find that lost child, you need to go to your core where the authentic SELF lives.  Once you make contact with that inner SELF, you are on your way to becoming the conscious Knower.  Give life to your lost child and unleash your hidden powers!